My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize