lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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