No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
