i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
