I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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