wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I need water and some morals
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
