idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
