I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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