just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
