In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
