Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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