Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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