Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
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By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
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Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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