Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
