I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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