I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
