Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
