I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
