Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
