We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
