he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
