You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
