nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
