two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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