I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
