just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
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She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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