im drinking this country out of the recession.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
