This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
