So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
