He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
