I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
