when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
