well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
