I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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