Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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