Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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