me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I want her autograph on my taint
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
whose ass print is on the piano?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
