The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
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Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
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We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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