I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
