I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
