he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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