woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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