I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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