Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
