Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
