He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
