mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
