sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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