What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
