____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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