THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
