I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
