Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
