So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
