If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
