YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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