Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
