well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
