I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
