She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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