I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Randomize
