you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
