Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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