just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
