so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
