I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
