I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
