I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
