Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
