I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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