I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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