end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My vagina just recognized that song.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
